Following the retirement of the esteemed previous holder of the post, the Club now has a vacancy for an Assistant Responsible to Stuart for Excel. This unpaid role has many benefits:
- Get a seat at the rink-side (although you’ll be too busy typing to watch any racing)
- You don’t have to deal with the mats as you are too busy doing much more important things on the computer (playing Solitaire or surfing).
- Listen to people offer their suggestions on how the competition should be run despite their complete ignorance.
- Meet people with an interesting set of personality disorders.
- Get to re-arrange a competition at the last minute because someone has just turned up and doesn’t understand the phrase “closing date for entries”.
- Get to the see the joy in the referee’s eyes as they DQ someone.
This post would suit someone who has nothing better to do. A knowledge of speed skating or computers would be a disadvantage. In the event of more than one candidate for this prestigious post, then the amount of the cash bribe will be the deciding factor.