Following the retirement of the esteemed previous holder of the post, the Club now has a vacancy for an Assistant Responsible to Stuart for Excel. This unpaid role has many benefits:

• Get a seat at the rink-side (although you’ll be too busy typing to watch any racing)
• You don’t have to deal with the mats as you are too busy doing much more important things on the computer (playing Solitaire or surfing).
• Listen to people offer their suggestions on how the competition should be run despite their complete ignorance.
• Meet people with an interesting set of personality disorders.
• Get to re-arrange a competition at the last minute because someone has just turned up and doesn’t understand the phrase “closing date for entries”.
• Get to the see the joy in the referee’s eyes as they DQ someone.

This post would suit someone who has nothing better to do.  A knowledge of speed skating or computers would be a disadvantage.  In the event of more than one candidate for this prestigious post, then the amount of the cash bribe will be the deciding factor.